Post by tigerbait99 on Oct 10, 2004 16:06:25 GMT -5
Found this on a web site. I thought some of the comments were kinda funny. These are not my words, so don't get pissed at me if you are offended.
NORTHEAST:
A college football wasteland. Effeminate “Ivy League” teams that nobody ever heard of play meaningless games that nobody cares about. Crowded, dirty, and dangerous pint sized states where people are too busy trying not to get mugged, much less care about football. Winter weather more suitable for clubbing baby fur seals than attending a home game doesn’t help either. This area is a hell that has already frozen over.
MID-ATLANTIC:
Trapped in the no man’s land between North and South, these folks have a few up and coming football programs, but only since FSU joined the ACC and gave them a positive role model. They remain Southern football wannabes and lack the will to achieve greatness because they are really dyed in the wool basketball weenies that have a hard time playing a game that features a ball with pointy ends.
SOUTHEAST:
Now we’re talkin’, college football and the Deep South. A marriage made in heaven.
The SEC has ruled this area for decades, but the reorganized ACC is nipping at their heels. This region is where college football’s big dogs live. The best talent, the most intense rivalries, and loyal fans make for the best sports show on earth. Don’t agree? Look at the records for the last 20 or so years. Hell, the three main Florida teams finish in the top five more times than not, and that is from ONE state! ‘Nuff said.
MIDWEST:
Ahhh, the Rust Belt. The last exciting thing to come from here was Woody Hayes and his right hook. Some better teams there are making a slow comeback but it won’t be enough. Most high school football talent there can’t wait to head south on I-75 after graduation and not stop until they get to sunnier climes. Unfortunately, most end up in Florida.
NOTRE DAME:
This team is so bizarre, it deserves its own classification. How in the hell has ND enjoyed such a positive reputation for so many years even when they are so consistently crappy? I think it was that “Gipper” movie made early last century. They think they are God’s Team playing on Holy Ground. Many sportswriters are duped by this as ND is annually rated top ten in pre-season polls no matter what and given a pass during the season when they show their true colors and f**k up. The retard “Domers” are also slaves to this misconception and waste their loyalty on this shitty, overrated team. No, the nuns won’t rap your knuckles with a ruler if you Domers admit the truth.
TEXAS:
Rabid support of high school and college programs, the hype exceeds the reality. Not much interest outside of the state borders except from the Texas transplants that infect other states. The rest of the country would’t care if Texas teams just played each other all season. Like an incestuous relationship, they would just look the other way with disgust. I drove thru Texas once and it took me a week to get that cowshit smell out of my nose. Good point: Spectacular A&M bonfires!
NEBRASKA-OKLAHOMA:
These states are similar to Texas except corn stalks smell better than cowshit. Big, dumb white farm boys playing other big, dumb white farm boys in a type of football that hasn’t changed in decades. Watching these teams play is like going to a kind of football museum that was built before the forward pass was invented. Unimaginative play calling makes for a boring game. Red is the only legal team color in this region.
MOUNTAIN WEST:
Lately, BYU needs to take some lessons from Colorado about how prostitutes and alcohol can sharpen their football skills. Try it, you’ll like it. But seriously, this region is known as the “Mild, Mild West”. The rest of the country and even most locals just don’t give a shit. I guess when you live in an area where nature reigns supreme and you can get shredded by a grizzly while walking to your mailbox, football isn’t that high of a priority, now is it. Lack of electricity and television is a problem, too.
PACIFIC WEST:
Sissy eco-pansies who worry about playing teams with “Indian Names” while sipping on their Starbuck’s cream mocha latte’s. Football is too “brutal” and is best left to the barbarians Back East. Granted, there are some talented teams in SoCal every once in awhile, but nothing sustainable. Hell, Los Angeles doesn’t even have a pro football team, that oughta tell you something right there about these sports-adverse commies. Recently they have been crying about the Rose Bowl being “tainted” by the championship series.
One good thing is that the big earthquake is overdue so we won’t have to deal with them much longer. They will be much happier having the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors as crosstown rivals.
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For the sake of CheesyChaz I will go ahead and say Washington is not part of this region. And that Washington is actually a good state, unlike california and Oregon.
NORTHEAST:
A college football wasteland. Effeminate “Ivy League” teams that nobody ever heard of play meaningless games that nobody cares about. Crowded, dirty, and dangerous pint sized states where people are too busy trying not to get mugged, much less care about football. Winter weather more suitable for clubbing baby fur seals than attending a home game doesn’t help either. This area is a hell that has already frozen over.
MID-ATLANTIC:
Trapped in the no man’s land between North and South, these folks have a few up and coming football programs, but only since FSU joined the ACC and gave them a positive role model. They remain Southern football wannabes and lack the will to achieve greatness because they are really dyed in the wool basketball weenies that have a hard time playing a game that features a ball with pointy ends.
SOUTHEAST:
Now we’re talkin’, college football and the Deep South. A marriage made in heaven.
The SEC has ruled this area for decades, but the reorganized ACC is nipping at their heels. This region is where college football’s big dogs live. The best talent, the most intense rivalries, and loyal fans make for the best sports show on earth. Don’t agree? Look at the records for the last 20 or so years. Hell, the three main Florida teams finish in the top five more times than not, and that is from ONE state! ‘Nuff said.
MIDWEST:
Ahhh, the Rust Belt. The last exciting thing to come from here was Woody Hayes and his right hook. Some better teams there are making a slow comeback but it won’t be enough. Most high school football talent there can’t wait to head south on I-75 after graduation and not stop until they get to sunnier climes. Unfortunately, most end up in Florida.
NOTRE DAME:
This team is so bizarre, it deserves its own classification. How in the hell has ND enjoyed such a positive reputation for so many years even when they are so consistently crappy? I think it was that “Gipper” movie made early last century. They think they are God’s Team playing on Holy Ground. Many sportswriters are duped by this as ND is annually rated top ten in pre-season polls no matter what and given a pass during the season when they show their true colors and f**k up. The retard “Domers” are also slaves to this misconception and waste their loyalty on this shitty, overrated team. No, the nuns won’t rap your knuckles with a ruler if you Domers admit the truth.
TEXAS:
Rabid support of high school and college programs, the hype exceeds the reality. Not much interest outside of the state borders except from the Texas transplants that infect other states. The rest of the country would’t care if Texas teams just played each other all season. Like an incestuous relationship, they would just look the other way with disgust. I drove thru Texas once and it took me a week to get that cowshit smell out of my nose. Good point: Spectacular A&M bonfires!
NEBRASKA-OKLAHOMA:
These states are similar to Texas except corn stalks smell better than cowshit. Big, dumb white farm boys playing other big, dumb white farm boys in a type of football that hasn’t changed in decades. Watching these teams play is like going to a kind of football museum that was built before the forward pass was invented. Unimaginative play calling makes for a boring game. Red is the only legal team color in this region.
MOUNTAIN WEST:
Lately, BYU needs to take some lessons from Colorado about how prostitutes and alcohol can sharpen their football skills. Try it, you’ll like it. But seriously, this region is known as the “Mild, Mild West”. The rest of the country and even most locals just don’t give a shit. I guess when you live in an area where nature reigns supreme and you can get shredded by a grizzly while walking to your mailbox, football isn’t that high of a priority, now is it. Lack of electricity and television is a problem, too.
PACIFIC WEST:
Sissy eco-pansies who worry about playing teams with “Indian Names” while sipping on their Starbuck’s cream mocha latte’s. Football is too “brutal” and is best left to the barbarians Back East. Granted, there are some talented teams in SoCal every once in awhile, but nothing sustainable. Hell, Los Angeles doesn’t even have a pro football team, that oughta tell you something right there about these sports-adverse commies. Recently they have been crying about the Rose Bowl being “tainted” by the championship series.
One good thing is that the big earthquake is overdue so we won’t have to deal with them much longer. They will be much happier having the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors as crosstown rivals.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
For the sake of CheesyChaz I will go ahead and say Washington is not part of this region. And that Washington is actually a good state, unlike california and Oregon.